Snippets
by ilex-ferox
Summary: A series of vignettes inspired by The Atlantis Complex. Contains spoilers.
1. Special Assignment

_The characters belong to Eoin Colfer but revenge is mine._

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**Special Assignment**

The Chairman's office was shrouded in stygian gloom, hiding the mahogoplast panelling and the intelliplant files crowding the shelves; the sunstrips were dimmed and the only light was coming from the giant plasma screen behind the desk.

"Funny, really," remarked one of the two LEP officers standing before Cahartez, "he looks almost trustworthy these days. You wouldn't think a human, even an Irish one, could be so dangerous to fairies."

The Chairman swung his sim-hide chair to face the screen which Major O'Dendron was watching so intently, and scowled. There was no sign of the avuncular benevolence his PR department made sure was a feature of his public appearances.

"Appearances can be deceptive, Lliri. Since he became involved with the fairies we've had more than a score of casualties."

In response to his remarks, the screen changed, bringing up a casualty list. The faces of both officers turned the colour of new-born stinkworms.

"D'arvit," whispered the second officer as she read the list aloud in shocked tones.

"_**Arctic Incident:**_  
_ 1 rogue LEP officer, 3 goblins_

_**Earth Probe Incident:** _  
_LEP Commander Root_  
_Goblin Triad General Scalene_

_**Hybras Incident:** _  
_unspecified number of demons missing, presumed lost_

_**Atlantis Incident: **_  
_8 Atlantean prisoners_  
_2 Atlantean prison guards_  
_unconfirmed number of Atlantean civilians_  
_14 LEP marines …"_

The Officer's voice shook as she came to the last name,

"_LEP Commander Vinyáya_."

A profound silence filled the room as the three fairies contemplated the appalling loss; Vinyáya had meant so much to them.

Finally, one of the fairies managed to speak. "There was a human too, wasn't there?" queried O'Dendron.

"Indeed there was," agreed Cahartez grimly. "Nowadays it seems his crimes not only affect fairies, and the number of his victims is increasing with every incident. Perhaps now you see why his activities have to be terminated? We cannot tolerate this rate of attrition. That's why you and Houx Féroce have been given this mission."

He watched closely as both fairies blanched, then stiffened with resolve – although it was clear to the Chairman that they did not relish their assignment.

"Come now, ladies," he said, forgetting political correctness in an attempt to sound jovial. "It's not as if we're going to follow his example and dole out wholesale death and destruction – we're fairies for Frond's sake! You only have to perform a _very_ selective wipe on Mr. Colfer."

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That'll serve him right! How _could_ he kill off Vinyáya?


	2. Critical Assessment

_The characters belong to Eoin Colfer_

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**Critical Assessment**

Now that he was safe on board the _Nostremius_, Artemis had time to reflect on recent events. The episodes resembled a nightmare induced by eating dwarf cheese late at night. He could still feel the terror created by the probe attack and the panic he'd felt at finding himself the _plat du jour_ on a squid's menu. Then there was Orion …

He cringed at the recollection of his idiotic alter ego's behaviour. Artemis felt betrayed. His mighty brain had let him down by producing such a creature.

Curiously, the fairies had seemed quite dismissive about Orion. Holly had even remarked on his politeness and Foaly had, sarcastically, pointed out that 'noble steed' was an improvement on 'Donkey Boy'. But it wasn't in Artemis's nature to be forgiving: that remark about his opera house was below the belt.


	3. A Tight Spot

_Most of this belongs to Eoin Colfer_

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**A Tight Spot**

Madame Ko's Personal Protection Academy was unsurpassed. Those acolytes who survived its brutal training regime were the best prepared bodyguards in the world, equipped to cope with anything from knife attacks to nuclear missiles. Any bearer of the coveted blue diamond, tattooed onto a graduate's shoulder, could be relied upon to use any known weapon, or even their bare hands, to incapacitate, maim or kill an opponent; they needed no further reference.

Domovoi Butler had been a star pupil, earning his blue diamond at eighteen: the youngest graduate in the Academy's history. In a tight corner he could draw on his proficiency in defence, advanced weaponry, information technology, vehicular maintenance and hostage-negotiation techniques. He reviewed the options open to him in this particular tight corner and decided that he would first try the softly-softly negotiation techniques. Ignoring the scented smoke swirling around them from the fire burning brightly below, he turned to face his opponent. Noting the feral baring of teeth inches from his face, he reached out a hand.

"Pretty kitty," he soothed, and scratched the tiger behind the ears.

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_Author's Note: Thanks Demetra!_

_**Author's Apology**: Grovelling apologies to Kitsune Heart who had the idea first and I inadvertantly stole it.  
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End file.
